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Syrian truce leads to outbreak of football

‘They walked out across no-man’s land, clutching white flags, ḥalāl footballs and burkas for goalposts’.  These are the reports coming out of Syria of a ‘friendly’ match between ‘Kurdish Militants Wednesday’ and ‘Da’ish International Rovers’ – played out in the brief 10 minute ceasefire.

...and the next moment, it was a crater

…and the next moment, it was a crater

Unsullied by FIFA corruption or a Paul McCartney ballad, these brave soldiers extended a hand of peace in pock-marked landscape, resembling a 1970’s football pitch.  Quite how much football was actually played in such a small time-window is unclear, with some spectators claiming the final whistle occurred before the team-sheets were read.  Unfortunately while 1914 had a lull in European bombing, Syria has no such luxury.

Sky sports coverage extended to an excitable Chris Kamara mispronouncing Arabic names and confusing which side is which – a problem US and Russian bombers have regularly had.  Some Muslim players complained about the commercialization of football, but agreed that the shirt sponsorship by Kevlar was a good idea.

One Da’ish combatant said: ‘We are lions led by camels but we have a better chance of progressing our campaign in Europe than Arsenal.  But this game has made me hope that one day peace will occur; hopefully in the form of a mawkish sitcom written by Richard Curtis, with additional knob gags by the infidel Ben Elton’.

Unfortunately 200,000 innocents lost their lives in the ensuing football violence.


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This entry was posted on March 22, 2016 by in International News and tagged , , , , , , .

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