The Truth about Goats
Merrily sprinkling conversations with reference to Nazis and rape, Mr. Livingstone has once more confirmed himself as the nation’s edgier after-dinner-speaker and children’s entertainer. Speaking to the press, the ex-Mayor confirmed his commitment to embarrassing comments and holes of his own making.
Unsurprisingly, Mr. Livingstone is discovering that being historically accurate is not the same as being tactful. One Labour MP observed: ‘Dropping Hitler into a conversation about Israel is about as incendiary as dropping the c-bomb at a wake. You know the deceased is a ‘C’. I know he’s a ‘C’. Even the congregation know he’s a ‘C’. But at least wait until his wife and kids are out the room before you say it’.
Promising to keep ‘digging for Britain’ – or until Labour are unelectable – Mr. Livingstone offered to guess the weight of any woman in the room. A friend commented: ‘Given the choice between a harsh truth and biting your tongue, Ken will always tell you that Santa doesn’t exist and your cancer is incurable’.
In spirit of reconciliation Mr. Livingstone went on to explain to reporters that they were insignificant, right-wing hacks – but not to take it personally. A weary looking Labour press Officer remarked: ‘And who do we know who can simultaneously drop the ball, while putting his foot in his mouth – Ken Livingstone, I presume.’