The Truth about Goats
In light of humiliating Local Election results, Labour are having to come to terms with the fact that despite having accrued more votes and almost double the seats of their nearest rival – they are ‘big fat losers’. Having won every election he has stood in for 33 years, Jeremy Corbyn joins a long list of serial losers – Alexander the Great, Roger Federer and Road Runner.
One Labour insider commented: ‘Obviously we’re upset at having come first; but we didn’t know we’d lost until that nice lady on the BBC, Laura Kuenssberg, and her friends at the Daily Telegraph told us we had. We wouldn’t want the electorate getting the wrong impression’.
By contrast a Tory spokesman was in celebratory mood: ‘Labour only got 31% of the national vote, compared to our spectacular 30%. Yes, we are now trailing by 8% in key wards, but we are now the second party in Scotland. And as you know Scotland has always backed us at a General Election – if you ignore the years 1955-2016’.
To add insult to injury, Labour candidate Sadiq Khan was elected London Mayor with an 8% swing and the largest personal mandate in UK history, underpinning how weak the Labour vote is. One journalist said: ‘Just because Leicester City got more points than everyone else doesn’t mean they won the Premiership’.