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Corbyn loses – just not any time soon


In light of humiliating Local Election results, Labour are having to come to terms with the fact that despite having accrued more votes and almost double the seats of their nearest rival – they are ‘big fat losers’.  Having won every election he has stood in for 33 years, Jeremy Corbyn joins a long list of serial losers – Alexander the Great, Roger Federer and Road Runner.

Red crosses don't count

Red crosses don’t count

One Labour insider commented: ‘Obviously we’re upset at having come first; but we didn’t know we’d lost until that nice lady on the BBC, Laura Kuenssberg, and her friends at the Daily Telegraph told us we had.  We wouldn’t want the electorate getting the wrong impression’.

By contrast a Tory spokesman was in celebratory mood: ‘Labour only got 31% of the national vote, compared to our spectacular 30%.  Yes, we are now trailing by 8% in key wards, but we are now the second party in Scotland.  And as you know Scotland has always backed us at a General Election – if you ignore the years 1955-2016’.

To add insult to injury, Labour candidate Sadiq Khan was elected London Mayor with an 8% swing and the largest personal mandate in UK history, underpinning how weak the Labour vote is.  One journalist said: ‘Just because Leicester City got more points than everyone else doesn’t mean they won the Premiership’.

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4 comments on “Corbyn loses – just not any time soon

  1. Cameron De Chi
    May 19, 2016

    Look, just because Labour didn’t collapse doesn’t mean they aren’t going to. When the people finally realise that they don’t need socialist nonsense like public services, rights, or a roof over their heads, the Labour party will disappear in a puff of smoke like it was always meant to. Unless they get their act together soon and return to the glorious Blairite era, it’s bye bye to the red guys. #LizKendall2020 #Corbyn-Laden

    • Wrenfoe
      May 19, 2016

      My money is on a return to Feudal Lords and mud huts.

      • Cameron De Chi
        May 19, 2016

        They don’t need huts though, do they? The time we’d spend building those could be better put to use serving the upper classes. I think mud holes should do the peasants just fine.

  2. Wrenfoe
    May 19, 2016

    Lol.

    Mud holes? Luxury. When I were young we’d dream of owning a hole in the ground 🙂

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This entry was posted on May 19, 2016 by in UK Politics and tagged , , , , , , , , , .

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