The Truth about Goats
Having used its brand of Instagram to sue makers of the app Littergram, Facebook has demanded naming rights to any book-related suffix; including scrap books, match books and cheque books. Using its billionaire dollar empire, Facebook intends to purchase creative ownership of large portions of the English language and a significant portion ‘of the air you breath’.
With no sense of historical irony, lawyers acting for Instagram claim never to have heard of the telegram: ‘We invented the word gram. Which is why we will also be demanding a name change for cute grandparents, the metric weighing system and several leguminous plants’.
A Facebook executive explained: ‘It’s not like these words had ever been used in conjunction with anything else ever before. Mr Zuckerberg is a genius and it is a mere concidence he was once sued by the Winklevoss Twins for pinching their idea. Everyone knows that we invented the book and any evidence prior to the Internet is just hearsay or from some weird paper-thingy fastened together with a hinge at one side’.
‘No one had a Face until we branded it. And we’re in discussions with the human race to see if they can attach something else to the front of their skull that does not infringe on our copyright. How about a big sign with a phrase not in usage – like ‘Chattymouth’, ‘NoseyEarLips’ or ‘My Space’? At the end of the day, we just want the public to call books what they are – extinct’.