The Truth about Goats
Distancing himself from his ex-butler’s call to assassinate President Obama, a Trump spokesman was at pains to point out that this was a mystery-writing cliché and that if he was devising an Obama-ending it would involve: ‘being catapulted face first into a thousand mile wall’. Trump also insisted a more likely assailant would be – Mrs. White-supremacist, in the Library of Congress with a rolled up copy of Obamacare wrapped around a Lead Pipe.
The butler, Anthony Senecal, wrote his statement on Facebook – as opposed to waiting for Miss Marple or Hercule Poirot to trick a confession out of him. Friends of the butler said he began acting erratically when Downton Abbey got cancelled. In fact Mr. Senecal joins a long list of butlers gone rogue; along with when Alfred J. Pennyworth joined forces with the Joker and when Jeeves killed three prostitutes from Norwich.
How much living with Mr. Trump for almost 30 years may have affected his mental health is hard to say, but Mr. Senecal only displayed psychotic episodes after providing the billionaire with ‘one too many’ coffee enemas. A friend said: ‘Having to feed and groom Mr. Trump’s hair, changes a man’.
Other Presidents have also had their tenure threatened; Mr. Reagan by John Hinckley with the revolver, Mr. Clinton by Miss Scarlet in the Oval Office and George Bush Jr. just for ‘being a spanner’. Asked whether he felt awkward about his demand to ‘shoot’ the President now that Mr. Trump was running for office, the butler stood by his position but suggested the use of ‘silver bullets’.