The Truth about Goats
Having already stripped back safety provision, the US car-hailing company is now pioneering new ways to increase profits while removing the last vestige of human liability. Cars that have been unlicensed and uninsured, can now look forward to being un-drivered and un-detectable by HMRC.
Uber customers will still be able to summon a deregulated car but the driver-less version will not offer the in-built ‘threat of sexual assault’ that the manned models offered. In fact many of the luxury extras previously provided – directionless steering, optional braking and the heady smell of urine – will no longer be available.
Critics have argued that customers will miss the human interaction, but Uber have promised to keep their intimidation and sabotage of competitors 100% real. One Uber executive said: ‘The next logical step is to eliminate the passenger. Then we can have surge pricing followed by a bank transfer in less than five minutes – and no one to notice the meter is running’.
The executive explained: ‘Previously we had contractors not employees. Like we had ‘unforeseen collisions’, rather than accidents. But with the driver-less version everything will be virtual, like our accounting’