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Top Gear…meh


Much to the surprise of astronomers and mystic shaman the sun continued to rise and the Earth spun on its axis, despite the fears surrounding the re-boot of the ‘Top Gear’ franchise.  Apocalyptic predictions and media hype were confounded, as the same brand of laddish codswallop was streamed to our homes in an anti-climax on par with Windows Vista, the ‘Big Society’ or the last series of ‘Lost’.

Snooze

Snooze

While absent from our screens, Top Gear had taken on a mythic quality; imbued with the power to make nastiness charming, global warming a fiction and Richard Hammond hip ‘by comparison’.  One devoted fan complained: ‘It wasn’t anywhere near as racist as the original, although come to think of it neither was the original – I just remember it that way…a bit like the 1950s’.

A reviewer wrote:  ‘It’s cars and blokes. Blokey cars. Car-ish blokes. It’s…oh my God, who gives a sh@t!  Is this my life?  Is this seriously my life?  I used to have hopes – dreams – a vague interest in light Opera.  I can’t bear it – the contrived Clarkson/Evans debate – it’s eating my soul.  Sarah?  I want to come home.  I want to see the kids. Can you forgive me?’

Waves of apathy greeted the new hosts, as predictably the show plodded on with its derivative blend of car-porn and ambivalence to Health & Safety protocol.  One BBC executive said:  ‘We’d asked Mr. Evans to tone done the contraversial elements – the violence, the banter, the dragons…no hold on…that’s Game of Thrones.  Top Gear?  No, that’s about as edgy as blancmange…and just as white’.

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This entry was posted on June 15, 2016 by in UK Entertainment and tagged , , , , , .

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