The Truth about Goats
UKIPs leader has unveiled a stark vision of continued EU membership which involves being impregnated by alien simians and being force fed spicy food. Mr. Farage, standing beneath the logo – ‘Brexit is a safe word’, painted a post-apocalyptic vision of sexual molestation, so obscene, that it would make a BBC Radio DJ blush.
In the ‘Sunday Telegraph’ Mr. Farage spoke at length of his dual fears of EU legislation and having to play spin the bottle with the entire population of Turkey. He explained, with the aid of doll, how that staying in the EU was tantamount to consensual rape; advising that we should be prepared to lock up our daughters and ‘never’ drop the soap in front of Angela Merkel.
He warned that rivers of blood could soon be followed by ‘streams of spunk’. A UKIP spokeswoman confirmed: ‘You’ve heard of the economic migrant? Well, worse still is the horny migrant. He’s the sort that’ll come over here to sit upstream in Thames releasing thousands of salmon-sized sperm, each capable of tickling a fully grown Nun’.
He went on to advise the British public to hide in the nearest Anderson Shelter, wrapped inside a prophylactic sheath; while claiming that we should cover exposed piano legs and any attractive livestock. The spokesman said: ‘Rapey is what rapey does. These Europeans are just coming over here to steal our women and pillage Anglo-Saxon settlements…although I might be confused with last series of Vikings’.