The Truth about Goats
As the UK hurtles towards a potential EU exit and financial banana-skin, Leave Campaigners have confirmed that they had ‘no idea’ that the referendum had anything to do with Europe. High on the agenda for most of their voters was not electoral independence, but rather a return to the world of Enid Blyton, tea dances and ‘anything to stop mobile phones from getting smaller’.
In fact most Brexiters have pinned their self-esteem, marriage and tax returns on a ‘no’ vote; unaware that the referendum may have no discernible impact on their happiness. One campaigner claimed: ‘European bureaucrats have been making me miserable for years, with their loud music and skinny jeans. By leaving the EU, I will regain a full head of hair, discounted holidays and an erection that will last for days’.
Some have become so confused by 21st century living and wide-screen TVs, that they had wrongly assumed a leave vote would take them out of not just Europe but also ‘the ghastly nightmare’ that is modern Britain. One said: ‘Brexit will make this throbbing pain in my left arm disappear, it will make it easier to urinate and I won’t have to queue so much at the Post Office’.
Leaders of the Leave Campaign are started to feel concerned that they may have over-promised and that the electorate has a false expectation of jam today, jam tomorrow and jam-on-jam action. An inside commented: ‘A No Vote is not a cure-all. We don’t offer cheaper car insurance or guarantee you a beach body. Brexit is not an acne remedy. But admittedly, we can make your whites whiter.’