The Truth about Goats
The Great British half-baked electorate and Leicester City have proven the pollsters to be no better than a bunch of soothsayers, who spend their days counting Facebook likes and chicken entails. Subsequently, with the advent of Brexit, all bets are off concerning the likelihood of a Trump presidency and an ensuing Rapture.
One so-called election expert admitted: ‘With the Leave campaign defying the odds and James Corden still in employment, it has become apparent that we are entering a new age of uncertainty and sphincter-tightening. We can no longer reliably predict the future…I predict’.
All unlikely things will come to pass, starting with Michael Gove being right for once. Ladbrookes have stopped taking bets on the existence of life on Mars and reliable wi-fi; although the chances of Wayne Rooney lifting the European Cup remain reassuringly remote.
For some we are in uncharted territory – which may spell the end of Eurovision, 18-30s holidays and bidets. Yes, Europe might well descends into chaos, war and a new Ice Age – but at least we won’t have to study French at school any more.