Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Depp in ironic custody battle for his dogs


Divorce documents have been filed by Johnny Depp and his actress wife Amber Heard, citing ‘irreconcilable dogs’ as the cause.  The couple are now facing a protracted three-way battle with the Australian Government for custody of the pooches; naming Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce as co-respondent – having ‘screwed both plaintiffs’.

The Dingo is an unpopular beast

The Dingo is an unpopular beast

The dogs find themselves caught in a courtroom tug-of-war; with the participants torn between loving them and throwing them in a ‘dingo grinder’.  While a friend of Depp suggested he was happy to be shot of both Miss Heard and her pets:  ‘It’s less like losing a wife and more like gaining some extra kennel space.’

‘It’s not as if Johnny wanted the dogs in the first place.  First he had to eat sh@t to get them out of quarantine and now he’s going to have to pay millions in divorce costs.  It’s like rubbing salt in an open wound, or like agreeing to another Pirates of the Caribbean sequel’.  Meanwhile in the absence of a pre-nuptial agreement it is unclear which person retains ownership of their cringe-worthy video apology.

Friends of the couple are said to be surprised by the split given that being accused of international smuggling usually brings people closer together.  Mr. Depp is alleged to have instructed his lawyers to ensure that the two ‘flea-bitten mongrels are put to sleep’ but he may having referencing supressing reviews of ‘Mortdecai’ and ‘The Lone Ranger’.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on June 30, 2016 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 550 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 35,546 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: