The Truth about Goats
The electorate have delivered a resounding ‘No…maybe…um’ to the issue of EU membership, while finally confirming that ‘you can’t fix dumb’ when it comes to being British. Meanwhile as the markets re-value the pound as the modern equivalent of Vietnam’s Dong; FTSE shares are now being traded in exchange for coloured beads, cigarettes and sexual favours from George Osborne.
Already ‘Leave’ Leaders have reverted to impressions of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming juggernaut or of Boris Johnson at a paternity hearing. Many attest to not realising that they were playing with live ammo, that the safety catch was off or that the banana, they were holding to their temple, was actually a gun.
A spokeswoman for David Cameron admitted that it had been challenging working a ‘mixed ability electorate’ and had asked the EU council if they could be given a concessions in the form of 25% extra time, a scribe and ‘pointy hat with the letter D on it’. With many voters still bitter at being mis-sold a referendum, time-shares in Spain and four magic beans.
The prize for idiocy still goes to the UK’s media, who mistakenly think that it was the Labour Party that campaigned to leave and ‘f@cked a pig in the mouth’. One journalist said: ‘You can’t blame Mr. Cameron for this mess, it’s the immigrants. Coming over here and setting up a referendum that no one wants, understands or has planned for, just to make us all look like morons – if that’s not stealing our jobs I don’t what is?’