The Truth about Goats
The long awaited revised timetable is set to be published this week, with a damning verdict on the ‘war criminals’ responsible for scheduling trains on the London to Brighton line. Families of those affected by the rail delays are hoping that their sons and daughters will be exonerated; or at the very least will make it home by midnight.
The timetable is extensive with over 341 fewer daily services listed, alongside the claims that Tony Blair spread ‘leaves on the line’. In fact Southern Rail have already been found guilty of fabricating evidence to support their claim, that trains from Chichester can reach Horsham in less than 45 minutes.
One journalist who had seen the report commented: ‘The 45 minute claim is bogus, as no actual trains existed in the first place. It was all about regime change, moving from nationalized to private. And the link to 9/11 was completely spurious, as those were planes not trains…and they arrived ahead of schedule’.
Causalities amongst season tickets holders have been significant, with many youngsters now becoming radicalized into using bicycles. Survivors attest to suffering from post-traumatic stress and severe back-ache from sitting on each other’s laps. One said: ‘We’ve waited seven years for this timetable – which is marginally longer than the wait for my next train’.