The Truth about Goats
While the British electorate, the families of the Hillsborough victims and Mr. Johnson’s own barber may have seen it coming, the ex-Mayor of London has been gobsmacked to learn that he has all the wisdom of Kanye West on Twitter. Subsequently betrayed by his fellow Brexiteers, Mr. Johnson may be now wondering whether it was prudent to nail both his colours and his genitals to the same mast.
Political commentators are saying that picking Michael Gove to support your election campaign has all the foresight of an attack on Pearl Harbour. Although a spokesman defended him: ‘Alright, maybe Boris got it wrong on Gove…on investing in water cannons, his marriage vows, expenses, racial tolerance and the working class – but you have to admit he was positively clairvoyant when it came to predicting the benefits of being outside the EU’.
Trusting in Boris’ judgement is now being likened to getting a tattoo of your girlfriend’s name or letting Harry Kane take corners. Regularly accused of laziness, dishonesty and ‘smelling of cabbage’, Mr. Johnson has all the prudence of Jimmy Savile in a morgue.
One Leave voter said: ‘I feel sick to my stomach – like a publisher who turned down Harry Potter or someone who booked a return trip on the Titanic. And now it looks like Boris is now a victim of his own confidence trick’. Despite this many still warm to his bumbling persona – the upper-class Chuckle brother – but as one work colleague said: ‘It’s not self-deprecation, if you are in fact an arseh@le’