The Truth about Goats
Theresa May was delighted to announce to The Commons, that she had secured the obliteration of ‘all life as we know it’ at the bargain price of £31bn. She insisted that renewing the Trident missile defence system was the cheapest way to destroy humanity – other than appointing Boris Johnson to the Foreign Office.
With a twinkle in her eye, the new PM assured MPs that she had every intention of killing hundreds of thousands of innocents; but only if she was ‘double-dared’. Impishly she suggested that with Brexit just around the corner, thermo-nuclear war might be the least of our worries.
Those suffering from austerity were doubly appreciative that Mrs May had found a quick and easy solution to the misery of payday loans and the need for affordable radiated homes. Likewise Trident offers a significant saving next to other value-brands of apocalypse; such as Ebola, zombies and Labour leadership elections.
Jeremy Corbyn was criticised for suggesting that End of the World was too high a price to pay, but Mrs May rebuffed him saying the Trident missiles came with a money-back-guarantee. Boasted a MOD spokeswoman: ‘It was an absolute bargain! The nice US salesman assured me it was a once in a lifetime deal. He said – everything must go – literally!’