The Truth about Goats
Theresa May has promised a swift EU exit based on a rapid timetable of animal flight, hens developing teeth or when hell freezes over – whichever comes sooner. She rejected accusations that she was dragging her kitten heels, claiming she had appointed her swiftness negotiator – Boris Johnson astride glacier.
The spokeswoman for the PM said she had committed to a tight schedule ranging from mid-2017, to sometime in the future ‘when mankind leaves its mortal flesh behind and ascends into inter-galactic consciousness’. At very least the Brexit speed would match the development of Heathrow’s third runway.
Others fear that Mrs May is using a delaying technique, called the ‘Taylor Swift nuptial strategy’. Full of promise but no pay off, the Government trade discussions are starting to resemble the final series of ‘Lost’, Windows Vista and any season involving Arsenal.
The spokeswoman insisted: ‘Let me assure you, like a French military expedition, we are committed to a hasty withdrawal. We just need to wait for one or two simple expeditious things to occur – the invention of hover cars, affordable London mortgages and for your husband to finish decorating the spare room’.