The Truth about Goats
Grieving relatives of the late Duke of Westminster were frustrated to discover that his humble ‘two up two hundred down’ terrace house may revert back to the local county council ownership. Worst still, is the shock discovery that his £8.3bn fortune may be slightly over the threshold for inheritance tax.
The billionaire landowner had only left a modest estate, including 190 acres of Belgravia, but family members were surprised to discover that they may be re-homed by Westminster Council. His four children will be expected to ‘down-size’ to one bedroom flats, but must find jobs to qualify for any housing benefits; and will no longer be able to idle away on cheap lager, scratch cards and pasties.
After leaving Harrow with only two O-levels, the Duke spent most of the 70’s on ‘the dole’ or tarmacing driveways for cash-in-hand. It was only when he started squatting around Chelsea and living on canned beans, that he found his way into sheltered accommodation. It was then a natural progression to his owning a sizable portion of Mayfair – and pretty much the rest of the Monopoly board.
The specifics of how his estates will be divided is unclear, but his eldest son is hoping to inherit his collections porcelain dogs, cigarette lighters and his sky satellite dish. The new occupants of his stately château will be a young family with three kids, said the mum: ‘I’m not sure what we will do with all the 10,872 acres – but I’ve always wanted my own private chapel, lake and railway….but we might want to redecorate to something less chintzy’.