Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

UK offers free porn warnings 100% – guaranteed!


Eighty percent of sexually-frustrated men attest to being addicted to cautions about porn.  While easy access to online titillation has led to a steep rise in the seedy world of sex therapy – exploiting bi, tri and quad-bike curious singletons.

Usually a hairy palm

Usually a hairy palm

These click-bait scams pretend to offer health advice but lure men into further clicking and ultimately a leather-clad spiral of fetishism.  For many it is the sexual equivalent of a wet paint sign; which naturally you can not resist touching it.  Health officials just plant a seed in your mind and then smear it all over your chest.

Said one silhouetted man: ‘I got an email warning me about excessive donkey-punching leading to acne.  I’ve no idea what arse-snorkeling and geriatric-feltching is, so I got right on to Urban Thesaurus.  The next thing I know, I’m living in a sex dungeon with the cast from an E. L. James novel’.

Sadly it has become a slippery slope, with a slipperiness enhanced by KY jelly.  Explained one addict: ‘Short attention spans and heightened arousal just means that in a health warning, people only see the word porn.  And further more, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn…you’re not listening to me are you?’

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This entry was posted on August 30, 2016 by in UK Health and tagged , , , , , .

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