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Extremists to bunk with Fletcher

Prisoners advocating Islamic State will now be placed in a ‘special unit’ under the watchful, yet benevolent eye, of Norman Stanley Fletcher.  Having been instrumental in reforming ‘young Godber’, Fletcher is seen as the perfect antidote to radicalism and the lack of good comedies on BBC1.

It looks quite cute really

It looks quite cute really

Although himself an habitual criminal, who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard, Fletcher is strictly non-religious and is opposed to any forms of intimidation, specifically in the form of ‘genial’ Harry Grout.  Staff will also be vigilant for extremist literature; specifically anything said by Christopher Biggins in his role of ‘bigoted inmate’.

Justice Secretary Liz Truss has said the newly created Slade Prison will house a plethora of wise-cracking petty criminals, designed to have a humanising effect on terrorists and the stern countenance of Mr. Mackay.  A spokeswoman said: ‘Doing porridge is like being in a situation comedy – it’s a bit of a giggle, it’s only half an hour long and no one rapes you in the shower.  Radicalized young men just need the steadying influence of one of the two Ronnies – Corbett or Kray’.

The Prison Reform Trust has warned about staff cuts, especially since warders like Mr. Barrowclough were sacked for being too timid in challenging inmates.  Ms Truss insisted that everything should be done to stop prisoners ‘promoting beliefs that run counter to fundamental British values’…as opposed to nicking stuff.

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This entry was posted on September 1, 2016 by in UK Crime and tagged , , , , , , , .

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