The Truth about Goats
Leaked video footage shows the Labour contender trying to squeeze through a throng of Corbynistas at a recent leadership event, only for Mr. Smith to produce a fake disability badge and ungraciously sit on a pregnant lady’s lap. Smith supporters defended the image, claiming that when Owen had booked the ticket the hall had been empty of socialists – it just so happened he booked it in 1749.
A spokesman for Smith insisted that the Corbyn rally had been sparsely populated with tumble weed and one cardboard cut-out reproduction of Leon Trotsky. While at Smith’s own event, all seating had been reserved for the editorial staff of The Guardian and one cardboard cut-out reproduction of a policy.
One Labour supporter said transparency was the issue: ‘Are we talking a small ‘Owen has voters’ exaggeration or big fat ‘Owen has always been a socialist’ whooper?’ While on the subject of honesty Richard Branson suggested that the only scandalous thing about his mult-billion pound carpet-bagging of the rail industry, was that Jeremy Corbyn had implied that Virgin trains were ‘sh$t’ all of the time – rather than a more accurate ‘99% of the time’.
Mr. Smith insisted his speeches were standing-room only – primarily because had sub-contracted the management of chair distribution to the pharmaceutical industry. He explained he would rather overemphasize something that matters – like Owen Smith – than an irreverence like corruption in our public services. Said one confused voter: ‘#Traingate? That’s a level-crossing isn’t it?’