Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

10 minute consultations ‘a real drag’


The British Medical Association (BMA) has criticised the Health Secretary’s truncated care as an ‘interminable bore’, which becomes no more than a longwinded chat, punctuated with small-talk and embarrassing rashes.  Doctors say that ten minutes is far too long to be in the company of whiny and wheezy members of the public, who rarely ‘look their best’ and often smell of TCP.

Too long

Too long

A BMA spokesman explained: ‘Being a GP is like speed dating; you know in the first few seconds if you’re compatible and if the patient will give you a good look at their genitals.  I just want to get down and dirty, rather than waste time on meaningless details – like what’s their name or their medical history…or if they’re in cardiac arrest’.

The Government has released guidance on how to shorten complex consultations for 60 patients a day, into a triage involving a bottle of multi-vitamins, a rectal thermometer and directions to the nearest BUPA hospital.  NHS England has even suggested combining consultations, with all patient members of a group given the medication of the one with the ‘cheapest’ illness.

Jeremy Hunt insisted that GP efficiency improves with less time, in the same way seven years at medical school could easily be condensed into just watching the boxset of ‘House’.  One doctor commented: ‘Ten wearisome minutes to do what?  Who needs to save lives when in less time I could boil an egg, have a relationship with Taylor Swift or come up with a Conservative health policy’.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on September 8, 2016 by in UK Health and tagged , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 537 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 32,994 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: