The Truth about Goats
The UK’s outgoing Prime Minister is accused of authorising millions of pounds in severance for special advisors and a collection of ‘saucy livestock’. Accounts reveal pay-rises of up to 24% were commonplace but with the majority of the funds being channelled into ‘Sunnybrook Meadow for wayward piglets’.
Civil Service World claims the payments were intended to suppress rumours of sordid coalition deals, squalid tax evasion and ‘utterly consensual’ farm-yard fun. Mr. Cameron is yet to give a public statement about his cronyism but may have already incriminated himself by giving a knighthood to an amorous goat.
The rumours are an embarrassment to Theresa May’s administration, who had assumed the only hidden ‘porkies’ had related to her plans for the NHS. The new PM insisted that no such bribery would occur under her; although she refused to deny she had offered Boris Johnson’s a swift Brexit in exchange for a night of ‘Bullingdon corn-holing’
Other ‘friends’ of Cameron may have also been silenced with payments, although the £160million Amazon spent to keep Jeremy Clarkson off BBC2 was more of a public service. Meanwhile one sheepish sheep remarked: ‘He promised me a woolly jumper but all got was this lousy t-shirt and seat in the House of Lords’.