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May rejects points-based Premiership


The Prime Minister has dismissed calls to control entry into the Champions League via a top four finish, favouring a fairer ‘who has the most money’ system.  In the aftermath of an embarrassing Brexit by Chelsea, Mrs May is determined to avoid further Premiership shame – or someone ‘doing a Leicester’ as it is called.

Only those with a golden ball may enter

Only those with a golden ball may enter

Migration in and out of Europe has been a thorny issue, with too many Paul Pogba’s coming over and taking midfield roles that would normally be carried out by a Vinnie Jones.  A Home Office spokeswoman explained: ‘Entry to football competitions should be more closely linked to ‘need’ rather than ability.  For instance, Man Utd really need to appease their stock holders, whereas no one at Hull cares…about anything. And in the words of Bruce Forsyth – points make prize chumps of Arsenal’.

Experiments are already underway to replace driving-license points, with a simpler system that penalizes you by car manufacturer; thus owning a ‘Smart ForTwo’ results in life-imprisonment or a life-time of shame.  Ironically UCAS has already removed point-based university applications and now just offers automatic entry to anyone from Eton.

At the G20 summit, Mrs May indicated that EU players would continue to have preferential penalty decisions, haircuts and name confusion by Robbie Savage.  While Boris Johnson admitted that he had made no plans for re-negotiating a Champions League without Man Utd.  Yet he made it clear English football teams need to take back control of their borders, certainly around the six-yard box.

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This entry was posted on September 20, 2016 by in UK Sports and tagged , , , , , , , , .

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