The Truth about Goats
Donald Trump is proving once more that being incompetent and racist is no barrier to the Whitehouse, provided you have ample access to Haitian magic and an excess of bobby pins. As Hilary Clinton now succumbs to pneumonia, it has become clear that her Republican rival is controlling her body and soul through an inanimate zombie doll – which is not to be confused with Bill.
Suspicions were aroused when Hilary seemed to be constantly sabotaging her own campaign – from struggling to beat a 74 year old socialist to shouting ‘Vote Tump’ at the end of every speech. The final piece of evidence that Trump is controlling Clinton, was Hilary calling Trump supporters ‘deplorable’, which as we know – is exactly what Donald thinks.
Despite being the subject of hundreds of lawsuits and tax investigations, Mr. Trump is neck and neck in the polls thanks to a Benghazi-themed set of tarot cards. Mrs Clinton’s doctor explained: ‘Using an effigy of Mrs Clinton, Mr. Trump is attacking the Democrat’s chances – although, ironically, Hilary herself is an effigy of a candidate, doing her damnedest to ruin her own chances’.
The doll itself is said to have been sewn out of offcuts from the Lewinsky dress, stuffed with shredded emails and dubious donations. Although even friends of Mr. Trump admit, at this stage it’s going to take special kind of ‘black magic’ for him to get any African-American votes.