The Truth about Goats
Reaching out to disgruntled Labour voters and the ex-wives of Brad Pitt, the Liberal Democrat leader claimed his was the only centre-left party that had enjoyed ‘Lara Croft II’. Speaking to his conference Mr. Farron said that he could offer Miss Jolie the same raw sexual magnetism as a Mr. Pitt, but with more ‘proportional representation’.
Said one MP: ‘No one can deny the Hollywood glamour of a Mr. Pitt or a Jeremy Corbyn, but the Lib Dems can provide something more meaningful – a controlling vote on the Oadby and Wigston Council’. Mr. Farron explained that he had much in common with Miss Jolie – humanitarian aims, conservation work and he was happy to be photographed with a yellowing worm like Billy Bob Thornton.
Tim Farron was not afraid to anger his members by saying he admired Tony Blair and that he thought ‘By the Sea’ had some good bits in it. He further dismissed Owen Smith as a ‘cut-price Johnny Lee Miller’ – which is ironic as Mr. Miller is usually the cut-price actor you get when Ewan McGregor is unavailable: ‘…but no one wanted a repeat of the 2005 Mr & Mrs Smith’.
A Lib Dem spokeswomen explained the appeal of Mr. Farron: ‘A Brangelina or Labour break-up doesn’t need to end in tears, not when they have the strong capable arms of Tim to fall into. Tim can take you to the bland centre-ground – just like a scene from ‘The Tourist’.