The Truth about Goats
As Columbian voters see fit to reject a Farc peace deal and the British electorate voted for Brexit, Steve Brookstein and more bad plumbing, governments are now realising that democracy is overrated. Allowing voters choice on important issues, is like arming a toddler with a range of ballistic weapons – in all scenarios something is going to get the sh@t blown out of it.
Referendum used to be a means of placating normally sheepish non-committal citizens, but now it has become a forum for every malcontent trying to bring about the revolution or the ‘end of days’. One MP questioned the electorate’s judgement: ‘Last year 30 Brits died by watering their Christmas tree – are these the sort of people who should be asked complex questions on international trade treaties? One third of accidental deaths in the UK happen in the home, yet I reckon two thirds of all fatally moronic acts happen in the polling booth’.
There is a growing suspicion that voters are either becoming more anarchic or simply don’t understand the questions. Admitted one pollster: ‘People see ‘vote now’ and think they are pressing the self-destruct button. Admittedly sometimes the turkey will vote for Christmas but you don’t expect him to shove a bag of chestnuts up his colon and rub himself down in parsley flavoured body lotion’.
Alarmingly democracies throughout the world have been responsible for Jeremy Corbyn, Boaty McBoatface and Taylor Swift’s concert at the Horace Mann School for the Deaf. Said one concerned US Senator: ‘And just when you thought that the voters had already endorsed every dyed-in-the-wool-dumbass-thing possible…along comes Trump’.