The Truth about Goats
Following a spate of high profile resignations caused by inquiries into child abuse, football corruption and bakery-related shenanigans, the British public have all decided to follow suit. As of Monday everyone will be handing in their notice, allegedly to ‘spend more time’ with their families and other such euphemisms for ‘I f$cked up big time’.
Like a Taylor Swift love-story or a David Cameron cabinet, everyone is quitting in droves. Commented one shelf-stacker: ‘I thought I’d just leave before I was entrapped by undercover journalist or lured to Channel Four with a six figure salary. Ultimately we’re a nation of quitters – just look at Edward VIII, Brexit or any gym membership’.
HR managers are going to have their work cut out, trying to process several million exit interviews. Retirement homes will be ram-packed, as we all sit through interminable farewell speeches, while the UK quits everything – except saturated fat.
Not everyone however is resigning as expected, for every thousand Ginger Spices and there is at least one Sporty Spice. Likewise Theresa May is refusing to quit pretending she has a plan. Complained one frustrated Labour MP who had recently resigned from the Shadow Cabinet: ‘Everyone got the memo…except Jeremy’.