The Truth about Goats
More than 4,700 stray dogs failed to be reunited with their owners due to outdated microchips or using outmoded operating systems. Around 3,463 stray dogs were destroyed for not being able to tell the difference between an iPhone 6 and an iPhone7 or a Samsung Note 7 and a bonfire.
Owners who failed to update their dog’s software report their pets forgetting basic commands and often becoming frozen in mid-jump. One grieving owner said: ‘My dog suddenly ran out into traffic. I called out to Tyson to ‘stop’ but he seemed to have trouble processing instructions. Just as the lorry hit him everything just went blue, with the phrase ‘fatal system error’.’
Despite the legal requirement for all dogs to be chipped, only 9% of owners saw it as priority, whereas 86% agreed it would be ‘handy’ if cats came with WiFi. An RSPCA spokeswoman said: ‘While it’s cruel to force any dog to upgrade to Windows 10, if your pet is running on Windows ME it could be destroyed under the dangerous dog’s act and as a simple act of mercy’.
In the UK over 37,000 dogs remain unclaimed; commented one disgruntled teenager: ‘I was hoping for an Xbox for Christmas and all I got was this Puppy 1.0. It comes with an annoying polyphonic yapping noise and doesn’t even have the flea-bytes of the Rover 3.0. Apparently I’ve got take it for walks? It’s like someone turned a fitbit into a real dog’s dinner’.