The Truth about Goats
The Government renewed their commitment to pardoning homosexuals for being ‘being a bit gay’, provided they had the good sense to have been declared deceased. Blocking a private member’s Bill – that would have pardoned thousands of living homosexuals – Justice Minister Sam Gyimah made it clear that in had no problem with alternate lifestyles, as long as they were practised six feet under.
Not wanting to have her thunder stolen as a ‘champion’ of Human Rights, Theresa May backed her own ‘Policing and Crimes Bill’, designed to liberate gay cadavers. Her spokeswoman emphasized Mrs May’s tolerant attitude to ‘decomposing poofs’ and said she was fully committed to equal rights for all sequinned corpses.
Rather than set aside 15,000 current convictions for consensual relationships, Theresa May insisted the emphasis be on people no longer capable of sexual activity or ‘breathing’. She provided a list of ‘safe’ homosexuals all of which were long dead; including Plato, Bert & Ernie and John Travolta
Her spokeswoman explained: ‘Gays are a bit scary. Unless they look like Sir Ian McKellen – but he’s old and everyone loves Gandalf. Really, we’re more comfortable with dead gays…unless of course there were gay zombies – urgh! Imagine that, feasting on your brains, then biting yer bum!’