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Disposable nappy inventor buried in landfill


Innovator Valerie Hunter-Gordon has died aged 94, with her final resting place being under 50,000 metric tonnes of biodegradable ‘baby poop’.  In a final act of irony, her body will be swaddled in synthetic disposable materials, wrapped in a gigantic nappy bag and left for seagulls to peck at.

The creator of the ‘Paddi’, in 1947, Mrs Hunter-Gordon has helped millions of parents save time and stink up their bins.  Although the absorbent chemicals in her bespoke shroud should hopefully deter foxes; commented one mother: ‘How whiffy Mrs Hunter-Gordon will get is hard to tell, but it can’t be worse than the fetid dumplings my toddler produces’.

Globally 4,000 diapers are used every second; a figure that could double should Donald Trump become President.  They are used by both children and adults with either incontinence issues or a desire to have a butt that is all crinkly and lumpy.  Their disposable nature allows a busy parent to ‘sh@t and go’, which is incidentally Mr. Trump’s election slogan.

Hopefully rigor-mortis will prevent Mrs Hunter-Gordon from wriggling out of her Velcro tabs and any buttock rash will be the least of her dermatological concerns.  Detractors of the disposable nappy claim that re-usable cloth versions are sturdier when a ‘poo-mageddon’ occurs; said one: ‘We need to be ready for when the proverbial hits the fan – and no disposable nappy is going to weather the sh@t storm that will happen when Brexit comes’.

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This entry was posted on November 7, 2016 by in UK Environment and tagged , , , , , , , .

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