The Truth about Goats
Having previously been a recipient of the Peacenik Award, Bob Dylan has been honoured with an award for services to throat nodules and antiseptic mouthwash. With his unique vocal style – of a goose farting in fog – Dylan became the voice of a generation; not to be mistaken with the voice of Darth Vader.
Generously described as a mediocre singer by his fans and as ‘deeply erotic’ by a braying donkey, Dylan has spent decades perfecting his howler monkey impression. While critics agree, he deserves a Nobel Prize almost as much as Henry Kissinger.
Dylan’s is also famed for poetry and his capacity to sell women’s underwear and Pepsi. Commented one bearded English GCSE teacher: ‘He inspired with such spell-binding phrases as – wiggle wiggle like a bowl of soup, wiggle wiggle like a rolling hoop. And of course he would influence many other great writers…
He saw an animal that liked to growl
Big furry paws and liked to howl
Great big furry back and furry hair
Ah, think I’ll call it a bear.
…like Dr. Seuss. And who but a broken SatNav would ponder – how many roads must a man walk down?’
Arguably the 60s most disappointing icon after ‘The Singing Nun’, Dylan spent subsequent decades making you wish he had exited with same dignity as Janis Joplin – lying in a pool of her own vomit. Yet we must applaud his resolute use of nails down a blackboard, throat lozenges and sound that is less Bob Dylan more bobcat.