The Truth about Goats
The Chancellor is on course to win the nation’s top literary prize for a ‘completely fabricated’ depiction of the British economy. With his mythical world of unicorns and balanced budgets, Mr. Hammond’s accounting has all the hallmarks of a contemporary fairy story, with more than a hint of ‘Grimm’ about it.
Critics have applauded his allegorical references to ‘The End of Days’ or Brexit as it is known. One English teacher explained: ‘Boosting workers’ income and housebuilding, are clearly a dream sequence and not intended to be taken literally. It’s magical realism. Creative accounting. Or as Hemmingway would have described it – a ‘crock of shit’.’
Hammond’s fantasy has elements of other great works – ‘Lord of the Flies’, ‘Catch 22’ and ‘The Hunger Games’ – while keeping the same dreary narrative of every other Tory Government. Said one fan: ‘It reminds me of The Borrowers – if all their borrowing was from Wonga’.
Not only has he redefined fiction, Hammond has changed the value of numbers. Should he win the £50,000 Man Booker Prize, Mr. Hammond has said he will not let the money change him; he promised he will still be a ‘d@ck’. Future works of fiction are planned; like ‘Universal Healthcare’, ‘Free schooling’ and the abstract concept of human empathy.