The Truth about Goats
Promising to help the ‘politically homeless’, Tony Blair has discovered a queue vagabonds outside his residence; demanding soup and his justification for the indiscriminate bombing of the Middle East. The larger irony is that with a property empire of at least 10 houses and 27 flats (worth an estimated £27m), Tony can afford to give up the odd spare room.
Cherie Blair has already expressed alarm that the beggars will drive down house prices, like the time Alistair Campbell took a sledgehammer to the neighbour’s gnome. Unsurprisingly many of the tramps were made homeless by Tony’s deregulation of the banks and property sector; a happy coincidence they were able to express by defecating in the bird bath.
Mr. Blair had hoped to reach out to an electorate alienated by ‘ultra-left’ polices such as kindness, equality and following the Geneva Convention. An advisor confessed: ‘Tony was expecting for an influx of ‘nice’ middle class voters, If he’d wanted a stinky, bearded ne’er-do-well living in his pantry – he’d have voted for Corbyn in the first place’.
The Blair’s have considered calling in pest control to deal with these down-and-outs, although Tony is wary of any ‘chemical’ solution to his problem. A friend said: ‘If voters are literally homeless, then they should stick with that loser Corbyn. Tony is talking about those metaphorical homeless. You know, the ones with the yachts, a portfolio of Private Finance Initiatives and no memory of the Chilcot Report’.