The Truth about Goats
Analysts have finally admitted that share values have as much a relationship with politics, as Donald Trump does with Germaine Greer. With the FTSE being a marginally worse predictor of elections than pollsters, voters would be better served by reading chicken entrails or consulting a German-speaking octopus.
Up until recently, all political commentators have studied market reactions post-election, like it was an exit-poll for the National Lottery number. One trader commented; ‘We’re just guessing on the perceived value of a variety of companies; at no point are we remotely qualified to pass judgement on an election. The London Stock Exchange is like a magic-8-ball – filled with cocaine’.
Post-Brexit markets have yo-yoed like Boris Johnson’s underwear; while, post-Trump, Wall Street has shown all the moderation of a tramp on chips. All of which tells us absolutely nothing about what the future holds, other than Nigel Farage has the staying power of herpes and nobody fancies shares in BHS.
Through a combination of crystal and navel gazing, media experts will continue to talk about unstable Asian markets; while confused viewers will continue to imagine rickety noddle stands. Said the trader: ‘It’s all an illusion – a load of irresponsible sociopaths, gambling with other people’s money…but enough of politics’.