Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Proof of death needed for UK holidays


While the NHS is establishing passport checks for patients, British tourism is demanding full medicals for those hoping to enjoy the drizzly delights of Bognor.  As is well known, a blustery UK vacation is the perfect antidote for any pre-existing medical condition; which is why 36 million people visit every year – foregoing laser surgery in exchange for a taste of Kendall mint cake, donkey rides and a ticket to a flint museum.

One Red Coat explained: ‘While much has been made of the cost of ‘Health Tourists’, very little has been done to tackle ‘Holidaying Patients’.  Too often foreigners fake illness to get the best parking spaces at the Isle of Man’s ‘Old House of Keys’ or to get preferential wheelchair access to Blackpool’s Pleasuring Beach.  So if you see a bald kid, with a Romanian accent, trying to jump the queue at Alton Towers – check to see if it’s chemo or alopecia’

The Government is proposing a range of ID checks to access basic services; including dental records for immigrants, bank statements to be eligible to vote and urine samples for those phoning 999. The UK’s new Holiday Certificate will guarantee that only the genuinely ill, confused or masochistic will seek a break at Pontins.

Foreign ‘Holidaying Patients’ will still be able some access some ‘rudimentary’ vacation provision up to the value of £10; such as a day trip to Glasgow’s needle exchange, a keg of irn-bru or 5 weeks in Rhyl.  Said one tourist: ‘I may not have been ill to begin with, but after caravanning in Tenby, I’m now booked for an all-inclusive fortnight at my local hospital’.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on December 18, 2016 by in UK Lifestyle and tagged , , , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 545 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 34,430 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: