The Truth about Goats
The government has been forced into an embarrassing admission that the Foreign Secretary is no longer responsible for anything to do with Foreigners. UK diplomats have subsequently child-proofed all trade agreements, put treaties out of hands reach and banished Mr. Johnson to the ‘naughty step’ until the next General Election.
No longer trusted with the English language, Mr. Johnson will be confined to communicating through a series of gestures, grunting noises and inevitable Bullingdon-style faeces throwing. A F.O. spokeswoman said: ‘Mr. Johnson spoke out of turn – which may be something to do with the fact he ate all the crayons’.
Touring the Middle East, Mr. Johnson has caused controversy by performing a homage to Wilson, Keppel and Betty. This was followed by his warning that Saudi Arabia was being armed by the Libyans from ‘Back to the Future’; although he was at a loss to explain the £4bn in bomb receipts he had about his person.
With a cliché cast of villainous Arabs and repressed Brits, Boris is one action-hero short of a Hollywood franchise. Although an aide to Mr. Johnson complained: ‘The Saudis are fighting wars by ‘proxy’…which is our job’