The Truth about Goats
The Vatican has been forced into an embarrassing confession that Pope Francis has been fraudulently passing himself off as an arbitrator of good and bad behaviour, while gorging on turkey-stuffing and sherry. The Pope has been caught dressed in a false beard appearing at grottos and shopping malls, demanding mince pies and only the ‘prettiest of elves’.
Leaked papers suggest that for decades a whole series of Popes had been taking credit for Father Christmas’ efforts, often disguising their popemobile as a sleigh. To make matters worse these Popes have been illicitly stealing kisses under the mistletoe, yet with no evidence of any pontiff delivering any presents – other than the timeless gift of ‘Catholic guilt’.
This is not the first time Pope Francis has been caught mimicking others; be it him dressing as the Dalai Lama on Buddha Day, E.T. at Halloween or Taylor Swift on Valentine’s Day. Although, nothing as yet, explains the reindeer droppings in the Papal shower.
A Vatican spokesman explained: ‘His Holiness was just caught up in the excitement of Christmas. He just wanted to join in. And as a Christian he just felt he was being excluded from all the fun’. Subsequently Francis has promised to stop intercepting children’s letters but the spokesman promised that the Pope would still be delivering Easter Eggs as normal.