The Truth about Goats
With Christmas barely started, unwanted gifts have already flooded EBay; including EU membership, £1000 leather trousers and a Southern Rail franchise. Worse still, Zuzu Bailey has discovered her father has auctioned off her petals in order to subsidize his addiction to scratch cards and to pay for all his kids’ iPhones.
Sadly, George Bailey has had a year of financial mismanagement; be it merging the family’s ‘Building & Loan Company’ with RBS, buying shares in BHS or betting $8000 on Hilary to win the White House. Although an angel offered him the chance to relive the year, Mr Bailey opted out, saying that he could not face another ‘shitty 2016’.
Many other fictional characters have been re-gifting, with EBay listings for seven ‘damaged horcruxes’ (one ‘careful owner’) and a blood stained ‘Hand of the King’ pin (several less careful owners). While Boris Johnson has already tried to sell off budget water-cannons, a graffitied battle bus and a large chunks of the UK economy.
It is not just polyester clothing and celebrity perfumes that are unwanted; many relatives are trying to ditch their Brexit vote, timeshares in Aleppo and tickets to see David Bowie. Prompting Zuzu to say: ‘This year, every time a bell rings its someone phoning about PPI’.