The Truth about Goats
Gene Cernan, 82, has passed away and has taken the secret of this elaborate hoax to the grave. Scientists now acknowledge that the Moon is a 2,000km block of cheese and that space flight is as unattainable as a connection on Southern Rail.
Filmed on a Pinewood soundstage, the faked moon landings are one of the most infamous tricks played on the US public; alongside the American Dream, James Corden and a Trump Presidency. The only genuine moon-walk was carried out by a Mr. M. Jackson in 1984, but he was soon assassinated by CIA operatives.
The remaining six astronauts still alive are all sworn to secrecy or risk losing their membership to The Magic Circle. Only the late John Glenn hinted that trick involved ‘mirrors, gaffer tape and the editing morals of Laura Kuenssberg’.
The commander of the bogus Apollo 17 flight, Mr. Cernan will be remembered for his commitment to the ‘long-con’ and keeping a straight face. To this day only 20% of Americans believe the landings to be fake; less than the number that think Obama founded ISIS, Coke is the Real Thing or that being urinated on by a Russian prostitute is normal.