The Truth about Goats
Rumours are abound that Donald Trump may have been assisted in his presidential campaign by a sultry, beauty from Saint Petersburg – answering to Grindr profile of ‘Vlad the Impaler’. Accusations of an arranged marriage and an arranged election result have dogged Mr. Trump, who has a long history of implausible relationships with Eastern Europeans.
Trump may have been seduced with Vlad’s tantalizing offer of mutual masturbation and assured destruction – followed by some ‘back-door action in the Urals’. Meanwhile Vlad’s profile describe him as being interested in elderly oligarchs and romantic walks in the country – specifically if the country borders onto Russia.
Relationship experts say that it is not untypical for men of a certain age to look for affection abroad, particularly if they only get 46% in the popular vote. While in relation to Mr. Trump, US Intelligence chiefs found some evidence of hacking but no evidence of actual intelligence.
Their internet romance is said to have blossomed through a frank exchange of explicit emails – all signed by Hilary Clinton. A white-wedding is now in the offing with a blushing bride, an orange groom and a set of vows we will all live to regret.