The Truth about Goats
As his first act as President, Mr. Trump has signed an executive order to unleash Lovecraftian terror upon an unsuspecting public. Naturally this has caused some backlash with #NotMyCosmicEntity trending alongside #ClintonIsHastur; while many Democrats admit that ‘it could have been worse’.
Having already scraped the Trans-Pacific trade pact, Mr. Trump swore to only sign future agreements on parchment made from human skin and with the blood of ‘liberals’. One eyewitness, who saw the President complete the summoning, said: ‘I saw a scaly, rubbery-looking body, with prodigious claws and an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers…and next to him was Cthulhu!’.
Meanwhile White House press secretary Sean Spicer attacked the Media for their negative portrayal of Cthulhu, arguing that the number of his worshippers had been grossly under-estimated. Mr. Spicer made it clear that ‘alternative facts’ would continue to spawn from planet Vhrool in the 23rd nebula, but denied that Cthulhu had ate the Obama’s dog.
Cthulhu was hoping to begin a reign of murder and insanity for all Earth-dwellers but was frustrated to discover Mr. Trump had got there first. Remarked one worshipper of the tentacled deity: ‘The irony is Cthulhu has been trying for years to summon Trump’.