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May orders Queen to give Trump a lap-dance


Rolling out the red carpet and the nipple tassels, the UK’s Prime Minister has insisted that Donald Trump will receive a state visit and ‘a massage, with extras’.  To this end, Queen Elizabeth II will be expected to perform a burlesque involving a pack of trained corgis and two Russian fans of ‘water sports’

Critics have suggested that it is degrading for the Monarchy to perform in front of known pervert, although many point to the similarities with 1987’s ‘It’s a Royal Knockout’.  Yet there is a distinct worry that this will legitimize Mr. Trump’s extremist views and plagiarize Prince Philip’s.

Arrangements have been made for all British Muslims to be disguised as red phone boxes, to avoid offending Mr. Trump and to give a boost to London tourism.  While Pall Mall will be festooned with Trump logos, Hooters Bars and a white flags of surrender.

Organizers of the visit admit that you cannot polish a Trump, but you can roll it in glitter. A spokeswoman for the President rejected the 1,000,000 signature petition against the visit, but said that Mr. Trump would make careful note of all the names and add them to his ‘special list’.

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This entry was posted on February 15, 2017 by in UK News and tagged , , , , , , .

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