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Employment rights for men contemplating sex

Hot on the heels of new legislation to protect expectant mothers, men are also demanding job protection whenever they plan to impregnate someone.  Statistics suggest as much 72% of all men are 90% distracted by improper thoughts in the work place – meaning that very little meaningful work occurs, unless you count drawing genitalia on post-it notes.

While Equality activists accuse men of trivializing the issue and ‘thinking with their d$cks’ – many horny men argue that that is precisely the point.  Complained one male worker: ‘It’s a problem with my glands, one gland specifically. The trouble is, at work I tend to lose focus. I can be merrily go f– Oooooo, look, side-boob!’

During 1950’s male workers would regularly be given time-off en lieu to visit breweries, brothels and other therapeutic treatments. Yet today, discrimination against frisky men is at an all-time high; with employers unsympathetic to men aroused by an overly warm radiator or an intimately suggestive spreadsheet.

Male workers attest to functioning in a daze between the age of 12 until 79, with coherent thought confined only to moments of eating, sleeping or during periods of cold showers. Admitted CEO, as he rubbed against a photocopier: ‘I need time off every time I get an erection.  So, basically, every ten minutes’.

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This entry was posted on February 16, 2017 by in UK Lifestyle and tagged , , , , , .

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