The Truth about Goats
A particularly tenacious furniture stain has refused to change in the face of irrefutable scientific evidence – sticking to the belief that prisons work, global warming is a myth and everything is the fault of immigrants. Despite treatment with an enzyme detergent, the stain is unwilling to move on a range of issues – including the fiction that ‘La La Land’ won best picture.
Accused of a bull-headed approach to the 21st century, the stain insists that he is taking a moral stance – while lurking beneath a strategically placed cushion. Citing ‘The Daily Mail’ and gut instinct as primary evidence, the stain maintained that the young were feckless, iPod’s use vinyl and that everyone was trying to steal his credit card details.
From the stain’s perspective, it is just about a holding to a consistent position – a stance that served the Captain of the Titanic so well. Attempts to treat the stain with methylated spirits simply backfired, as alcohol just fuelled the stains view that ‘Donald Trump is misunderstood’.
So steadfast is the blotch that the homeowners have described it as unsightly, sticky and smelly – thus sharing many of the same characteristics as Jeremy Clarkson. Unsurprisingly, despite the bleakest financial predictions, ‘Stain’ would still: ‘Vote for Brexit’.