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Free-range eggs lose their disability allowance


Downing Street has made it clear that millions of eggs will lose their disability status, unless they can prove that by ‘resembling a prolate spheroid’ they deserve priority parking.   While many eggs claim to suffer from ‘mobility issues’, the Department for Works & Pensions have said that they are eligible for work as an omelette, scrambled or ironically stacking egg-cartons in Tescos.

Explained one Minister: ‘Battery chickens have long avoided the bedroom tax by cramming into the one warehouse.  There can be no more free-rides for those claiming to be free-range.  The welfare state is a safety-net but not a basket in which we can keep all our eggs’.

No 10’s policy unit head. George Freeman, said that too often yolks were hiding themselves away due to anxiety rather than a genuine disability.  By contrast, free-range eggs say they were house-bound in order to avoid bird-flu rather than avoid participation ‘in a delightful egg Bhurji Mumbai-style’.

Aside from free-range, there are three other types of egg sold in the UK – good eggs, egg-heads and Breggsit.  So this mean millions of eggs are now up eligible for adoption, with unconfirmed sightings of Madonna in the vicinity.

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This entry was posted on March 20, 2017 by in UK Environment and tagged , , , , .

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