The Truth about Goats
The BBC has helpfully inferred that Jeremy Corbyn is the primary source of the UK’s tax avoidance. The Labour leader is said to have caused the underfunding of the NHS, by failing to declare the true value of his homemade jumper, the turnips in his allotment or his ‘stash of 15 jam jars’.
While there is nothing legally or numerically wrong with his measly £77,019 return, the BBC had no pause for thought before likening Mr. Corbyn to a cross between Jimmy Carr and Al Capone. A BBC insider remarked: ‘Corbyn is bling. He’s gangster. He’s gold grillz. Even his bicycle clips are diamond encrusted.’
So far the Chancellor has refused to publish his tax returns and Theresa May will not name the shares in her blind trust or the price of leather pants; proving, by contrast, that Mr. Corbyn must be guilty of something. HRMC have said they have been unable to find a Swiss bank account in his name but have put a hold on his Co-op loyalty card.
Fortunately, with the UK experiencing over £90 billion in tax avoidance last year, the BBC has decided to turn its full investigative beam on Mr. Corbyn’s priceless photographs of manhole covers. Meanwhile Donald Trump has liquidated his real-estate assets, in favour of the high returns offered by Mr. Corbyn’s blue stamp collection.