The Truth about Goats
Using four targeted ballistic missiles, North Korea has successfully purged the Sea of Japan of U.S. Imperialist fish and all ‘shifty looking plankton’. In a glorious victory for the Democratic People’s Republic, mermaids will now be free to make ‘sweet love’ to their liberator, Kim Jong-Un.
Citing Caligula, Cnut and Zeebrugge for their victories over the sea, North Korean officials have likened the military display as ‘one in the face for that Yankee SpongeBob Squarepants’. Subsequent celebrations in Pyongyang have involved schoolchildren in synchronized displays of nuclear proliferation and the tasteful bludgeoning a squid dressed as ‘Uncle Sam’.
The missile launch defies UN resolutions, with Japan describing it as a ‘credible threat’ to their sushi supplies. In retaliation, the US has deployed a defence system in South Korea, which entails giving helmets to tuna.
North Korean historians have placed a large conch in Kim Jong-Un’s trophy cabinet, alongside his 2014 FIFA World Cup, eight Grammy’s and the head of Dennis Rodman. Folk songs have been composed to celebrate ‘Four scuds cause a fountain’, while Kim Jong-Un has promised ‘plaice in our time’.