The Truth about Goats
Following on from Panasonic’s introduction of a washing machine with a curry mode, Armitage Shanks have designed a bowl that can extend its capacity to deal with ‘Delhi belly’ eruptions. With the press of a button, gossamer toilet roll appears, scented aroma is released, all followed by an industrial Bidet action – reminiscent of a firefighter’s hose.
Other household appliances are due to experiment with new buttons – such as Toaster’s with a ‘fork setting’, for those owners who want a trip to the hospital. Dishwashers will have a ‘pet’ feature not just for dishes, but for particularly grubby dogs. While deep freezers will have a ‘serial killer’ mode, to keep prime cuts fresh until your new patio is ready.
One engineer explained: ‘Appliances need to reflect our lifestyles and how we use them – for instance vacuum attachments should really come with a lubrication and vibrate setting. Likewise hair straighteners should have a ‘tribal tattoo’ mode, so you can vary the type of scarring it will give you’.
The ‘curry toilet’ will simulate running water sounds to mask drizzled explosions and will have an inbuilt Kindle as a distraction during extended motions. Said one happy owner: ‘It’s like an iPhone 7 but for my arse – so a Samsung basically. A gadget that actually does what you want…now, if only a can get the TV to actually show something good’