The Truth about Goats
Nicola Sturgeon is to seek second opportunity to waste money and breath, by debating something we were told two years ago was a ‘once in a lifetime’ decision. Speaking in Edinburgh astride ‘Greyfriars Bobby’, Mrs Sturgeon laid out her vision of daily referenda until Scotland achieves Independence or ‘until everyone commits ritual suicide’.
Observed one depressed MP: ‘We’re too cowardly to make our own decisions. Rather than – oh, I don’t know – winning a national election, we prefer to spam the electorate with Survey Monkey and a Magic Eight Ball’. Said one voter, holding a shotgun to his mouth: ‘Fantastic! Another vote. Look how well the last ones turned out’.
Like a toddler wanting an icecream, Mrs Sturgeon has discovered that the best tactic is to keep whining until your parents capitulate – all the time threatening to wet yourself. Riding a wave of apathy, Mrs Sturgeon hopes to inspire voters with her economic vision of ‘mony a mickle maks a muckle’ and solar-powered tartan.
Trending as #indyref2-WTF, this will be effectively a ‘Brexit from Brexit’ – which could potentially upset the space-time continuum. Voters are advised to queue to ‘avoid disappointment’ and to avoid greater disappointment by spoiling their ballot.