Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

London saved by water cannons


A terrorist attack on Westminster was foiled yesterday by the swift deployment of Boris Johnson’s three water cannons.  Sitting astride the gun turret, Mr. Johnson hosed down bystanders and removed graffiti in what was described as a ‘heroic display’ of water sports.

Despite the tragic events, a spokesman for the Foreign Secretary was keen to point out that the death toll would have been higher, if Mr. Johnson had not had the foresight to ‘piss £500,000 up the wall’ buying glorified water pistols.  Londoners, he said, could sleep safely in their beds knowing that Boris was riding a tank.

Naturally, Theresa May soon met with members of COBRA to see how TRIDENT could be usefully deployed in order to tackle one knife wielding manic.  Thankfully its £167 billion cost over 30 years will be money well-spent, as a direct nuclear strike on London can wipe out any terrorist threat – and instantly solve the capital’s mortgage crisis.

Friends describe Mr. Johnson’s decision making as nuanced and with a keen sense of the long-term impact – take for example Brexit, marital infidelity and his choice of barbers.  His spokesman said: ‘Water is the natural enemy of terrorists – or is that witches?  Anyway water will solve anything – except grease fires – or Mogwai – either way we should all fear Boris’ steady stream’.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Information

This entry was posted on April 12, 2017 by in UK Defence and tagged , , , , .

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 548 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 34,909 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flib Zealots

Reformation (play script)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

%d bloggers like this: